My brain’s revenge

Years ago I had to take leave of the woman who -so far- took the largest chunk of time out of my life: six years. It was an unrequited love that somehow still felt good. We got along very well and she knew exactly how to keep her distance. She did this so well, that I didn’t even mind, even though I deplored that distance dearly of course.

Eventually she moved out of my life completely and I had to find a way to deal with being cut off completely. I’m not sure if I ever did. I am now used to being cut off, but I still miss her. Seven years later I met my girlfriend, and even then I still missed her. I particularly missed being able to tell her I had met the woman of my life, that I was happy.

During the time that I had to adjust to being cut off, my brain played a trick on me. A very nasty one if you ask me. One morning, at a moment somewhere between sleep and being awake, I suddenly saw her face before my mind’s eye. It was an extremely clear ‘picture’, so vivid I could have drawn her face in detail had I been wide awake.

Instead I woke up nauseous and threw up. I have never been able to remember her features since then. I can still recognise her when I run into her (that happened once), but there is no way that I can recall her face. The mind is a rebel, and a mean one at that.

2 Responses to “My brain’s revenge”

  1. Reminds me of these lyrics by Ewan Maccoll:

    The first time ever I saw your face

    I thought the sun rose in your eyes

    And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave

    To the dark and the empty skies

  2. […] what had happened, loitering not just the fringes of my mind, but the very core. It was a bit like something that had happened to me before one night about ten years before, only worse: this was about something real, and now it was […]

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